A modern version of an old tale

[Mr. T]

"Who will help me plant my wheat?" asked the little red hen.
"Not I," said the cow.
"Not I," said the duck.
"Not I," said the pig.
"Not I," said the goose.
"Then I will do it by myself." She planted her crop and the wheat grew and ripened.

"Who will help me reap my wheat?" asked the little red hen.
"I'm on disability," said the duck.
"Out of my classification," said the pig.
"I'd lose my seniority," said the cow.
"I'd lose my unemployment compensation," said the goose.
"Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen, and so she did.

"Who will help me bake the bread?" asked the little red hen.
"That would be overtime for me," said the cow.
"I'd lose my welfare benefits," said the duck.
"I'm a dropout and never learned how," said the pig.
"If I'm to be the only helper, that's discrimination," said the goose.
"Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen, and so she did.

The smell of fresh-baked bread attracted all her neighbors. They saw the bread and wanted some. In fact, they demanded a share.

But the little red hen said, "No, I shall eat all the loaves."

"Excess profits!" cried the cow.
"Capitalist leech!" screamed the duck.
"I demand equal rights!" yelled the goose.
"Share with the 99 percent," grunted the pig.
And they all painted `Unfair!' picket signs and marched around and around the little red hen, shouting obscenities.

Then the farmer came He said to the little red hen, "You must not be so greedy."

"But I earned the bread," said the little red hen.

"Exactly," said the farmer. "That is what makes our free enterprise system so wonderful. Anyone in the barnyard can earn as much as he wants. But under our modern government regulations, the productive workers must divide the fruits of their labor with those who are idle."

And they all lived happily ever after.

But only in the President's fairy tale. In a real-world version, the little red hen never again baked bread and the farmyard suffered Greek-style chaos when the animals riding in the wagon suddenly discovered there was nobody left to pull the wagon

[Mr. T]

What nobody likes the red hen and her bloody eggs?

[Ironsmith]

So yea I read it, basically I just want to shoot all those lazy farm animals and have a big BBQ.

[Uncle Al]

So yea I read it, basically I just want to shoot all those lazy farm animals and have a big BBQ.

It is a good update to the old story, but I was hoping at the end we'd find out that the little red hen was packin' and double tapped the threatening farmer, pig, cow, duck, and goose. And that much hilarity and feasting had ensued among the honest farm animals.

[Ironsmith]

Well yea, I mean thats in keeping with my desire to have the BBQ, basically just set the Hen up with a belt fed and force the farmer to be a spotter. Serve him right to see his investments cut down by the hen.

[Uncle Al]

Well yea, I mean thats in keeping with my desire to have the BBQ, basically just set the Hen up with a belt fed and force the farmer to be a spotter. Serve him right to see his investments cut down by the hen.

But that evil collectivist farmer is the worst of the lot, and the most dangerous. He should be cut down first.

[Mr. T]

It is a good update to the old story, but I was hoping at the end we'd find out that the little red hen was packin' and double tapped the threatening farmer, pig, cow, duck, and goose. And that much hilarity and feasting had ensued among the honest farm animals.

After all of her nagging...



She got the old Man up off the Couch to do the dirty work...

[spirit of Ronald Reagan]

Was hoping the ending would turn out a little different, like everyone but the hen committing mass suicide when they watch obhozo lose the election.