P!ssing off the voter

[Aaron Burr]

Lesson 2. Opening photoshop.

*this is an old school version depicted, the new version looks different, but functions the same.

To make it do that you click on the FILE icon on the upper left corner of the grey bar...at the top...right under where it says Adobe photoshop. A drop down box will...um...drop down and you click on NEW And something like that white box will appear after another box opens up and demands you look at stupid numbers. Just click YES.

Lesson 2.1 Photoshop is the stupidest f*cking program ever written.

It's true. I mean it literally. Photoshop is not intuitive at all and will frustrate you to hammer throwing fits of rage if you're not patient enough to communicate EXACTLY what it is you want it to do. Just imagine you're trying to reason with an obama voter.

A. See up on the gray bar where it says LAYERS? That is your friend. No, it is your sanity. Remember that. "Photoshop is a b!tchtress whore who will stop at nothing to try and destroy my art." Tattoo that somewhere, it'll come in handy when dealing with layers.

B. See the grey tool collection on the left? Right clicking on each one will reveal a drop down box with other tools. All you need is the lasso*, the blur*, the magnifying glass, the eyedropper, and the eraser. *all three tools (right click for drop down box)

C. Photoshop was made by Joe Biden. Make sure you click on whatever it is you're working on and make sure you're on the correct layer. You do this with the move tool. It's on the upper right of the tool collection.

[Aaron Burr]

So let's start off simple.

Lesson 2.2 Getting Started.

1. All you need is an idea. To make that happen you should drink something. Pro tip: cough syrup makes a great melatonin chaser. If that doesn't work google "obama angry" or "michelle salt monster", something specific, like "obama today" or "obama rose garden" etc. Or do like I do and go desecrate what you love, in my case, comic books. Just get inspired. For this lesson, we'll start off simple and do the empty chair meme. This seemingly simple image will teach you a lot about photoshop.



You don't have to use this image, or the empty chair. Thih image suggests a bowing obama anyway.

2. download image by right clicking on it. Save the image to desktop or a new file folder. Just some damn place where you can find it.
3. open it in photoshop by clicking on the FILE kajigger . (Upper left corner, gray bar.) Then click on OPEN. Then find or type in your pic name from the desktop. BAM! Now you have two images. The white box and the wax figure presidents. Click on the presidents image box. Now you're working on it and not the white box. Upper left gray bar, FILE drop down box, click on SAVE IMAGE AS. rename file to whatever you want.
4. Gray bar, IMAGE drop down box, IMAGE SIZE. click on that to change it's size, you can use pixels or inches. Use pixels. Pay attention to the little boxes with x's in them in the image size box, if the CONSTRAIN PROPORTIONS box is not checked off, the image will not reduce or blow up in proportion. That is a handy feature for the next step.

5. Go get a chair. I mean on the net. Or, use this one.

Or use obama. If you do, you have to make sure the photo of him bowing is an indoor shot under stage lighting like the presidents picture. That's a pro tip. Find images that are light and photo grain compatible...ish. It'll save you a lot of work and makes the final image more believable.

[Aaron Burr]

O.K. See where on the darker grey bar...yes, back to grey. No one noticed my gray bar jokes. On the darker grey bar it says 50% but on the white box white the folding chair on it, it says 100%.

Remember "Photoshop is a b!tchtress whore who will stop at nothing to try and destroy my art." This will drive you nuts if you don't pay attention. Use your magnifying glass and make the presidents full size.


See? I moved the white box with the chair down to where I want it. Click on the white box with the chair in it. Now you're working on the chair and not the presidents. Re-size if necessary. All I'm gonna' do is use my lasso, my move tool and my eraser.
Watch.

[Aaron Burr]

See what I did there?
1. Use lasso on chair. In this case, the polygonal lasso. Once you have encircled the image, the line you make will become dotted and moving.
2. Use the move tool to move the cut out chair on to the presidents pic. Notice that your original chair pic magically reappears in the original white box.
3. Click on and drag the white box away from your work area, but don't lose it.
Now your pic will look like this.

[Aaron Burr]

Here comes the fun stuff.

1.Use magnetic lasso. It will follow the outline of an object pretty good. Especially if you're a lil' wobbly. Encircle the area you want erased.
2. Use erasure. Notice you can pick how big you want it. Also note that the erasure will erase only what is inside the dotted wavy line. Also note it does not erase the back ground. This is because the chair is on a different layer than the backgound. Look over on the bottom right of the photoshop screen and you'll see a new layer has magically appeared. It will be highlighted in blue.

But let's see how the chair looks partially erased.

[Aaron Burr]

You can cheat by using the magic wand to select areas you want to erase, but it'll look weak.


Note #3. The chair is there but the area selected by the polygonal lasso doesn't have the dotted line edge like the rest of the chair does. It looks cleaner.

Note#1. That's a slidy bar. There's one on the bottom, it's just been cropped out. You can move your image around like that when it's blown up big when working on a particular area.

Note#2 See the eye on the left of layer one? If you click on it, the chair will disappear. Click it again and the eye, and the chair will appear. Now make the background highlighted in blue. Repeat. You're now working with layers.

[Aaron Burr]

O.K. let's stop here for tonight. I'z tired.


1. If something goes wrong, go up to the top of the photoshop screen where it says, EDIT. click on it and choose STEP BACKWARDS.

2. to make your lasso line connect and turn dotted and wavy, left click left click left click. I told you this thing was stupid.

[Mr. T]

You can use photobucket and create meme's.